good grades?

Image by Tiggywinkle via Flickr

so my progress report came into the mail last night.. and let me just say this.....sometimes good grades are a drag. 

Call me a stupid ass bitch for saying that, but look at it through my eyes.  i have been getting A's and B's in every single class, except 2, since i was in 1st grade.  i noe what u are thinking, "mr wiz kid is bitching about stupid crap.... blah blah blah crap" but all i hav to say back to that is, yes.  i am bitching about this... cuz it seems to me people, mainly my parents, only care about my grades or school if i am doing bad.  and that is what hurts me the most....that i work my ass off to get these grades, and i seriously do, and all i get is an "oh okay." 

what kinda shit is that!  i noe life doesnt usually give recognition to the our accomplishments, but this is one of my few ones that i am truly proud of.  All my times in sports can go to hell if i got even the slightest bigger reaction for my hard work in school.  i dont think that is very much to ask for....is it?

i noe mostly everyone is gonna read this and say, "u stupid bitch take the grades and swallow ur pride."  But pride is all i hav left.  pride in myself is all i hav to show for my work.  so i am going to cling to that shit as tight as i can possibly can!  and no one will eer be able to take that from me.  Cuz even if no one recognizes my hard ass work, then i can at lest in my pride.

luv you all

maddness in the eyes of an athlete

but for swimming omg is it different.  for swimming i get myself nervous and then change the nervousness into anxiousness.  then the anxious feeling into full out madness! and that works for me!  so its all good

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so tommorrow is our first track meet... and i am scared shitless.  dont try to comfort me or tell me that it will all be alright and that its all in my head.  cuz, duh sherlock! of course it is in my head!  how else do u think i get ready for a meet?  hav sex? hell to the motha fuckin no!  i make myself nervous.  then get mad at myself for being nervous.  then get frustrated with myself that i am mad at myself for something that i cannot control.  then run the frustration out in a sprint!  so i am going to be three types of moody tomorrow... and i need to be that moody to hav a good race. 

guess we all get ourselves siked in different ways... mine just seems to be a way that most people dont lik or would not even think of doing.  it works for me and that is all that matters. 

you should smile more darling!

ill try its been harder for me too lately

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Listening to my heart
i can hear your voice.
ringing,
singing,
all the notes of choice.
swelling up
going low.
hearing the laugh,
the smile
the wink,
that lets me see why i should keep
you here in my heart.
for me to see
but none to keep.

i can feel you in my arms.
hugging
tugging
with all of your charm.
maling me feel like love is real.
showing it without an ounce of shield.

loving me for all the days to come.
seeing me all
with nothing more then a smile.

signed for you
from your little juvenile